Self Inflicted
by Kinkajouu
Summary: Some months after BEGA, Kai falls into a deep depression, and begins drinking and self-harming. He turns to Tala, who helps him the only way he knows. Inspired by the song by Katy Perry. Self-harming, alcohol abuse, slight manlove and fluff.
1. Chapter 1

- Some months after BEGA, Kai falls into a deep depression, and begins drinking and self-harming. He turns to Tala, who helps him the only way he knows. Based on the song by Katy Perry.

- Warnings: Self-harming, obviously. Alcohol abuse, fluff and shit.

- Disclaimer: I own it not.

- A/N: Right, this is going to be a bit of a funny one… Erm, this is just a oneshot for now, but if you give good feedback, I'll add another couple of chapters. I don't have anything really planned out (a bit like 'Let's Get It On'), but I've got a general idea of what could happen.

Bam keeps licking my forehead. Is that normal rabbit behaviour?

Enjoy.

* * *

**Self-Inflicted**

Dragging on his cigarette, Tala exhaled all of the smoke and turned to his new-found Mother. She was frowning at the cancer stick in his hand and wanted desperately to snatch it off of him and throw it out of the window. Tala rolled his eyes, and took another drag of his cigarette.

"You should give those up," Tala's Mother, Elena warned him.

"What, you mean like you gave me up as a child?" Tala replied, smirking.

"That was different, Yuriy."

"Don't call me that," Tala snapped.

Tala had long abandoned the name 'Yuriy', much like his Mother had abandoned him. He hated whenever she called him it, and just wanted her to call him 'Tala' like every other fucker he knew.

Elena jumped as the doorbell rang, and Tala sniggered. Elena raised her eyebrows at her son, who shoved his cigarette into his mouth and went to answer the door. On opening it, he came face-to-face with the person he'd never expected to see there. Tala raised his eyebrows.

"How the Hell did you find me?"

"I has my ways."

"Are you drunk?"

"Mebbee."

Tala raised his eyebrows some more, but let his drunkard friend into his new home all the same. The friend took a look around the little home, and his eyes fell on Elena. Elena stared back at Tala's friend with some trepidation.

"Mum… This is Kai. Kai, this is my Mother."

Elena held her hand out to shake Kai's, but Kai just stared at it before launching himself at Elena, wrapping his arms around her neck in a bone-breaking hug. Elena was positively petrified, but Kai didn't seem to notice, as he was too busy crying his eyes out.

"I never knew my Mother! Tala's soooooo lucky to have youuuu!"

Tala stubbed out his cigarette in the saucer that was serving as an ash tray. He went up to Kai and his mother, and prised Kai away from her. Kai was dribbling and a drip of snot was dangling from his nose. Tala raised an eyebrow, realising that something was not right with his friend.

"Kai, I think you need to go to bed and sleep off the alcohol. We'll have a chat in the morning, OK?" Tala said, giving Kai a little shake.

Tala took him to the very small spare bedroom, where Kai crashed on the bed and fell asleep immediately. Tala frowned at the sleeping body, and walked out of the room closing the door behind him. Tala went back downstairs, and lit up another cigarette.

"If you run out of those things, I will not be buying you anymore," Elena said, sitting down at the dinky kitchen table, and checking herself for any snot that Kai may have left.

"I don't need you to. I'll get some myself," Tala said, breathing out smoke in the opposite direction to his Mother.

"Your friend…"

"His name's Kai."

"Yes, Kai. He's quite a, erm, character."

"He's not normally like that. I have no idea what's wrong with him."

Elena stared at her son as Tala put out his cigarette. He reached for his packet of Marlboro Lights again, but Elena snatched them out of his grasp. Tala narrowed his eyes, but got up and said nothing about his Mum taking his cancer sticks away from him.

"I'm going to bed. Don't wake Kai up in the morning. I'll wake him."

"Ok, Yuriy."

"It's Tala!"

"It'll always be Yuriy to me…"

"Goodnight, Mum."

* * *

Tala cursed as he attempted to open the door to the spare bedroom. In one hand was a plate of toast, and in the other was a glass of water and two tablets - meaning he had no spare hands to open the door. Tala tried to use his hip, but that failed, and he had spilt water over his foot when trying to use an elbow.

"MUM! I CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR TO KAI'S ROOM!" Tala yelled down the stairs.

Elena didn't reply or make any sign that she was going to come and help her son, and so Tala continued to groan and curse. He bent down and was about to pull on the handle with his mouth, when the door opened, and he was staring at Kai's crotch.

"What are you doing down there?" Kai asked.

"Trying to open the door. With my mouth," Tala replied, standing back up and shoving the plate of toast into Kai's hands."I'm not hungry," Kai said, shutting the door, and going to sit on the bed.

"Tough. I bet you have a headache, though," Tala replied, dropping the pills into Kai's hand, and giving him the water.

Kai's features darkened, and he nodded. He took the pills and drained the glass of water. Tala raised his eyebrows as Kai gulped the water down loudly, and took a bite of the toast.

"I thought you said you weren't hungry?"

"I lied."

Tala rolled his eyes, and sat down beside Kai. He glanced at Kai's arms as Kai was eating, and noticed a lot of scratches and scars. Tala narrowed his eyes, as he slowly figured out what was actually wrong with Kai. But instead of assuming, Tala questioned Kai about it all.

"So… You drink alcohol?"

"Yeah… Too much of it," Kai replied, picking at the leftover bits of toast.

"Too much?"

"Hn."

"Kai, please give me straight answers. I thought you didn't like drinking too much, so why the sudden change-?"

"Because it makes me forget."

Tala stared blankly at Kai, who sat twiddling his thumbs. Kai sighed.

"It makes me forget everything, OK. And if I can forget, if only just for a little while, everything seems OK."

"But it's not."

"I know."

"And the scratches on your arms-"

"I'm self-harming."

"I thought so. I'm glad we've got that all out in the open. I was expecting an argument with you about it all."

"Hn."

Tala rolled his eyes, as Kai's head dropped. He continued to twiddle his thumbs, and didn't look up when Tala spoke again.

"So, why are you here?"

"Because I need help."

"And what makes you think that _I_ can help?"

"Because…"

"Because…?"

"Because you're my best friend."

Tala's eyes widened and realised that Kai was a friend in need, who obviously thought his best chance of getting better was to stay with Tala for a while. Tala wrapped an arm around Kai's shoulder, who didn't shrug it off. Tala pulled Kai into a hug, who wrapped his own arms around Tala, too.

"Don't worry, Kai. I'll make you better."

* * *

A/N: Hey, MarianQ! Do you recognise the name 'Elena'? Haha. I stole it, because I couldn't think of anything else XD

Don't worry, Elena won't really play a big part. I just needed Tala to live in a house somewhere, so his Mother got brought into it, haha.

I've said it could just stay as a oneshot, and it really could. But I still think it'd look better with a few more chapters...

Review and tell me what you think, anyway :)


	2. Chapter 2

- Warnings: A bit more fluff, and bit more cutting.

- Disclaimer: I own it not.

- A/N: Do you know how I got inspiration for this chapter?

I glanced down at my chipped, purple nail varnish, whilst getting into the bath, and I suddenly thought "EUREKA!"

Though, that might've just meant that the water was too hot.

Either way, enjoy :)

* * *

**Self Inflicted**

**Chapter 2**

Two days had passed since Kai had turned up on Tala's door. Tala had no idea that Kai's self-harming was so bad at first, but now he had to take to hiding every sharp object in the house, just so Kai wouldn't get his hands on them.

Needless to say, this pissed Kai off _greatly_.

But Tala wouldn't give up. He had sworn he would make Kai better, and make him better he was going to! Tala had told Kai to put something warm on, because he was going to take Kai out to the park and to a café, or wherever Kai felt like going, if only to get Kai out of the house.

But one of the main reasons that he wanted Kai out of the house was because Elena would not stop calling Tala 'Yuriy', and it was really infuriating him. It was possibly the only thing that had amused Kai since his arrival, though, and he continuously tried to ask Elena why she called Tala 'Yuriy'. Tala couldn't take any more, and this was why he'd planned a day outside of the house.

"Do be careful, won't you, Yuriy. This is a dodgy part of town," Elena warned her son as he put his coat on.

Kai sniggered.

"I think I can handle myself, _Mother_," Tala said, pushing Kai out of the door as he talked. "We'll be back around four."

Elena didn't get a chance to say goodbye, as Tala quickly shut the door behind him. He winced a little as the cold Moscow air hit his face, instantly making his nose red. Kai was already shivering to keep warm.

"Ok, I think the park's out of the question," Tala said, as he and Kai started walking down the street.

"Hmm."

Tala glanced at his friend, who was staring at the ground as he walked. He wanted desperately to give Kai a hug, but two males having _that_ sort of contact in _this_ part of town would earn them a beating.

"Where do you want to go?" Tala asked.

"Dunno," Kai replied shortly.

"You're not a lot of help."

"I know."

Tala stared at Kai, as the last two words were said more miserably than any other. Tala continued to give his friend glances every now and again, but not once did Kai ever look up. As Tala saw that they were approaching the café he had mentioned to Kai earlier, he tapped Kai on the elbow, and pointed to where they would take sanctuary from the cold.

Once inside, Tala made Kai sit down at a table, and went to the counter to order two cups of tea and two toasted teacakes. Once Tala had handed the money over, he went to join Kai at the table. Kai was absent-mindedly playing with the salt-cellar. Tala watched as Kai continued to play with the salt, only sparing a glance and a quick 'thank you' to the girl who brought over their tea and teacakes.

"Can we go to a stationery shop?" Kai asked quietly, heaping three spoonfuls of sugar into his tea.

"Sure," Tala said. "Can I ask why?"

Kai shrugged. Tala twitched his nose, and took a bite out of his teacake.

"I want some pencils… And paper… I want to keep myself busy by drawing, or writing, or something," Kai said quietly.

"I didn't know you were the creative type," Tala commented, sipping his tea.

"There's still a lot you don't know about me."

"Yeah… Like the fact that you wear nail varnish?" Tala raised his eyebrow.

Kai smirked.

"I borrowed it off your Mum. When I asked her for some dark nail varnish, she must've thought I was going to draw things over the house with it or something. But like I said to her after painting my nails, I'm depressed, not crazy."

Tala snorted, and finish his teacake off. Kai got up, demanding that Tala take him to a stationery shop. Tala looked at Kai's untouched tea and toasted teacake, but left the warmth of the little café, anyway.

Half a block down, Kai and Tala reached a stationery shop. Tala thought Kai was going to demand all the expensive stuff, but all he asked for was some paper, two HB pencils, and a pencil sharpener. Kai had said that he would pay for them, but Tala got his wallet out first.

"You didn't have to buy me them," Kai said, scowling.

"They hardly cost anything. And anyway, this is my Mother's money I'm spending. She seems to think that she can make up for 13 years of absence by giving me money."

Kai smiled at Tala, who returned the smile. When they returned to the house, and entered the kitchen, Tala immediately lit up a cigarette.

"You haven't smoked all day…" Kai commented. "Why have one now?"

"Because all day I've thought about nothing but making you at least smile a bit. Now that we're back here, I just want to annoy my Mother," Tala smirked, exhaling some smoke.

Kai shook his head, and retreated to his bedroom. Tala had offered to keep him company, but Kai had politely declined, just wanting to be alone and keep himself busy.

"Thank God you boys are alright," Elena said, trotting into the kitchen to check on the food she was making for supper.

"We were hardly about to be killed for going to buy a couple of pencils," Tala replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Yuriy, can you please put that thing out? Or at least smoke it outside?"

"Stop calling me Yuriy!"

* * *

Upstairs, Kai got out his little supply of things to keep him busy. Instead of drawing straight away, he took out the little pencil sharpener, and examined it. It was all held together by one little screw. It surely wouldn't be that hard to break it.

Putting it onto the floor, Kai stood up, and stamped on it as hard as he could with his foot. Seeing it broken into pieces, Kai picked up the one part of it that he was actually interested in, and which was the one part that couldn't break.

Holding up one of Tala's lighters to the blade, Kai pressed the button, lighting the flame, and ran it over the blade, sterilising it for what he was about to use it for.

* * *

An hour had passed, and Tala had decided that Kai had been a little too quiet for his liking. Sure, Kai wasn't likely to have a party up in his room, but Tala had at least expected Kai to come back down to ask what the terrible smell radiating from the oven in the kitchen was.

Tala ignored his Mother's curses about the food being burnt, and the house being filled with smoke, and went up to Kai's room to make sure Kai was OK. Tala knocked on the door to Kai's room, and when he received no reply, he just walked in. Tala gasped as he saw Kai dragging the blade of the pencil sharpener across his left wrist, and the redhead quickly ran over to Kai, yanking the blade from his fingers, and throwing it to the other side of the room.

Kai looked up at Tala, who was inspecting the damage done to Kai's wrist, and decided that he would need bandages. Of course, he could only bandage it if his Mother actually kept a First Aid Kit in the house, and since he hadn't seen one, he was betting that he wouldn't be able to bandage it.

"Stay there," he told Kai, and picked up the offending blade as he walked out of the room.

Tala went into the bathroom, and threw the blade in the bin. He then grabbed a roll of toilet tissue, and returned to Kai's room, shutting the door behind him. Kai was running his fingers through the blood that was flowing down his arm.

"Come here," Tala said, and Kai actually obliged, holding his arm out to Tala. "Why did you do this?"

Kai didn't reply, but just watched as Tala dabbed the tissue at the scratches, before pressing the tissue to his wrist firmly to stop the bleeding. Tala looked at Kai's face, and saw that his eyes seemed out of focus.

"Kai? Why do you cut yourself?" Tala asked.

Kai opened his mouth, but paused before answering.

"Because all I want…"

"… You want what?"

"… All I want is to be loved."

A tear fell down Kai's cheek, and Tala's heart broke. He realised how hard it must've been on Kai, not having anything remotely like love his entire life. Sure, Tala's life had been in short supply of it, too, but at least he had his Mother.

Tala pulled Kai into a hug, stroking the blue and slate hair, thinking only one thing. '_This has to stop_'.

* * *

A/N: Poor Kai!

I have a general idea where I might take this… But I don't really know until I start writing… Haha.

Review?


	3. Chapter 3

- Warnings: Fluffiness.

- Disclaimer: I own it not.

- A/N: I couldn't ask for a better rabbit :)

* * *

**Self Inflicted**

**Chapter 3**

Breakfast the next morning was a quiet meal. Tala had thought about asking Elena to make him and Kai some bacon sandwiches, but when he remembered the burnt food that was originally supposed to be their tea last night, he opted to pour a bowl of cereal for himself and Kai.

Putting the bowl of cereal in front of Kai, Tala gave Kai's hair a little stroke before he retrieved his own bowl of cereal, and sat down at the table opposite Kai. Kai's stomach did a somersault.

"You feeling a bit better today?" Tala asked, before shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Yeah," Kai replied, eating his own cereal.

"Do you know what you two should do?" Elena said, sitting down at the table with them, reading the daily paper.

"No, Mother, we don't. Please enlighten us," Tala said, rolling his eyes and smiling at Kai.

"You should both join a self-help centre. Kai can get help for his depression, and Yuriy, you can quit smoking."

"It's _Tala_. And maybe I don't want to give up smoking."

"I don't want help from strangers," Kai said, smiling a little smile.

Elena sighed, concluding that the two boys were utterly _hopeless_. She decided that the only way they could get better was if they helped each other. She bid them both goodbye, and left the house, going to work for the day.

"I'll make you better on my own," Tala said to Kai, smiling.

Kai blushed a little, and lowered his head to his cereal, hoping beyond hope that Tala wouldn't see his pink face.

"Which reminds me, actually. It's time for stage one of 'Tala's Super Duper Make Kai Better' plan."

Kai looked up and raised an eyebrow, but Tala just grinned and left the kitchen, stomping upstairs and into his room. When he came back down into the kitchen, Kai's eyebrow was still raised.

"Close your eyes. I have a present for you," Tala said.

"How about you just give the present to me, and I don't close my eyes?"

"No, you definitely have to close your eyes."

Kai sighed, and did as Tala said. He closed his eyes and held his right hand out. Tala grinned again, and put his present into Kai's outstretched hand. Kai, feeling the gift in his hand, opened his eyes and raised his eyebrows.

"It's an elastic band…"

"That's not just an elastic band. It's a magic elastic band," Tala corrected, nodding.

Kai stared at him.

"Well, OK, it's not magic. But it is an elastic band."

"I can see that… Are you going to tell me why you've given this to me?"

"I'm glad you asked, actually. Put it on your wrist."

"Which wrist."

"Your left."

Kai did as he was told once again, and put it on his left wrist. Tala then reached out, and pulled the elastic back from Kai's skin, and let go, causing it to _twang_, and smack down onto Kai's skin, making a red mark. Kai looked at Tala furiously.

"What the Hell did you do that for?!"

Tala grinned.

"Well, that hurt, didn't it?"

"Yes! I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again!"

"It's your new way of hurting yourself - without actually hurting yourself! Isn't it the greatest idea ever?!"

Kai stared at Tala, before looking down at the elastic band on his wrist. He _twanged_ it again, wincing a little when pain shot through his wrist from where it hit. He wasn't bleeding, and he wasn't hurt, but he _was_ still feeling the pain! It was great!

Kai smiled at Tala, and stood up, promptly giving the redhead a hug. Tala was taken aback, but returned the hug happily.

* * *

"Mother, is smoke supposed to be coming off it like that?"

"It's called, _steam_, Yuriy. And yes, it is."

"_Stop calling me Yuriy_!"

Kai sniggered.

"And you can stop laughing, Hiwatari."

"Sorry."

Kai's grin faded, and he began to fiddle with his elastic band nervously. As a delicious tea of Borshch was served, and eaten, Kai found himself becoming more and more uncomfortable in Tala's presence. It was the way Tala looked at him… It was in a way Kai liked, but unsure of.

Grabbing boldness by the balls, Kai excused himself for bed, giving Tala a little kiss on the cheek as he left the room. Tala watched Kai's retreating form with wide eyes, and Elena offered her words of wisdom.

"He likes you, Yuriy, you know."

* * *

A/N: Review, and you can have a nice big hug from Bam :)


	4. Chapter 4

- Warnings: Fluffiness…

- Disclaimer: I own it not.

- A/N: Kai has suddenly turned into a love-struck teenager.

But it's all good, because it's Tala.

And Tala is God.

* * *

**Self Inflicted**

**Chapter 4**

_Twang_. Wince. _Twang_. Wince. _Twang_. Wince._ Twang_. Wince.

Tala was beginning to regret giving Kai the elastic band, as he had done nothing all morning but _twang_ it, causing Tala and Elena to wince, every time it made contact again with Kai's wrist.

Seemingly to have had enough, Elena bid the boys goodbye, and went to work once again. Tala carried on wincing as Kai carried on _twanging_. Feeling a bit stressed, Tala lit up a cigarette, but carried on watching Kai.

"Want to do something today?" Tala asked conversationally.

"Not really."

"Well, I need to launch part two of 'Tala's Super Duper Make Kai Better' plan."

Kai raised his eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? And what's part two?"

"I have no idea. Want to go out somewhere?"

"Like where?"

"The park. The café. Wherever you want to go," Tala shrugged.

"Sounds nice. Is it like a date?"

Tala stared, and Kai immediately regretted asking such a question.

"If you want it to be," Tala shrugged again.

Kai looked down at the table, and began _twanging_ his elastic band again nervously. A date? A real date? _What the Hell was he thinking_?! Apparently, he wasn't thinking very much, because before he knew it, Tala was pulling on his arm, putting his coat on, and dragging him out of the house.

As they walked through the park, Tala skipped along, and even chased the squirrels. Kai knew it was all to make him laugh, and so laugh he did, because at that very moment, there was nothing funnier than watching Tala 'Yuriy' Valkov chase squirrels up their trees.

When Tala rejoined Kai on the path, they received some very odd looks from old women passing-by. Tala suggested through his panting that they go to the café, and get a warm drink and something to eat. Kai wanted to protest and tell Tala that he wanted to watch him chase squirrels again, but thought that that sounded too weird, and so nodded to Tala's suggestion of going to the café.

Once in the café, Kai bagsied a table, and Tala went to order two cups of tea, and two toasted teacakes. It was a very English café, Kai had concluded. As their cups of tea and toasted teacakes were served, Tala eyed up Kai. Kai stared back nervously.

"What?" he asked.

"You'd better eat and drink this lot, this time. You didn't the last time we came here," Tala replied, taking a big bite out of his teacake.

"Sorry… I guess I wasn't hungry," Kai apologised, pouring just one sugar into his tea, and taking a sip.

The two of them ate and drank in silence, not really having anything to say to each other. Their was an air of awkwardness between them that was so strong, that the girl at the till considered throwing them out. But throw them out she didn't, and Tala and Kai soon finished their food and drink, and left of their own accord. Kai shivered when they stepped back out into the cold street.

"Anywhere you particularly want to go?" Tala asked, tilting his head.

"Your house. Where it's warm," Kai replied, retracting his head further into his coat.

Tala smiled, and lit up another cigarette. He kept glancing at Kai as they walked down the street, and he noticed that Kai hadn't _twanged_ his elastic band since they first left the house. Tala threw his cigarette butt on the ground, earning a reproachful look from another old lady they passed.

Once back in the warmth of the house, Tala winced again as he heard Kai's elastic band go _twang_. They hung up their coats and went into the lounge, both of them flopping onto the couch. Tala pressed a button on the TV remote, and the TV came on. It was on some stupid news programme that Tala wasn't really paying attention to. He could only hear the _twanging_ of Kai's elastic band.

"So… Why did we go out… You know… On a kind of…" Kai garbled, trying to break the silence.

"On a date?" Tala put in helpfully. "I don't know. I thought it might cheer you up. And make you, you know, feel loved."

Kai didn't say anything in reply, but rested his head on Tala's shoulder, hoping that Tala was being sincere, and wouldn't remove his head from the shoulder that was really quite comfy. Tala didn't.

"Did you feel loved?"

"… Yeah."

"Good. Do you want to feel even more loved?"

Kai looked up at Tala, who was smiling the happiest smile Kai had ever seen plastered on his face. Kai nodded, and Tala pulled Kai close to him, giving the younger boy a much-needed hug.

When Elena returned a little later on, she had been a little startled to see both boys curled up close together on the sofa, fast asleep. She smiled, knowing that now that they had each other, everything would be OK.

* * *

"Yuriy!"

"_Stop calling me Yuriy_!"

"But it's your name! Yuriy, come here, and-"

"I won't go anywhere near you unless you stop calling me Yuriy!"

Kai sighed, and extended his hand to his sulking boyfriend.

"I'm sorry. _Tala_, then. Come and give me a hug. I need one."

Tala pouted, but went to give Kai a hug, anyway. Tala had been out for the day, planning things Kai wasn't allowed to know about just yet, and Kai had felt a bit neglected, and was in serious need of a hug. Just as they wrapped their arms around each other, Elena walked through the door.

"Oh, boys. I wish you wouldn't get all lovey-dovey in the hall. There's plenty of room for your hugging in the lounge, or your bedrooms or-"

"OK, Mother, we get it."

Elena smiled as Kai led Tala by the hand up the stairs, no doubt about to try and persuade Tala to let him know what he's planning. Elena spotted Kai's wrist as the two boys walked up the stairs, and noticed that his cuts had eventually faded to scars, but he was still wearing an elastic band.

What was even better, was that she hadn't smelled or seen a cigarette in the house for months.

They really had helped each other.

* * *

A/N: I want to watch Tala chase squirrels…

It snowed last night :/ I stayed up until 2am last night, and it wasn't snowing then. And my sister rudely woke me at about half 7 this morning, and everything was white… And my Mother phoned to say she nearly fell over when she went to work because everything was snowy… And that was at about quarter past 5... So, in the small space of three hours (between me going to bed, and Mum going to work) it snowed. Not enough to make a snowman, though :(

I'm thinking of getting a different penname. Something involving food. I'm bored of 'Purple-Kissed-Wishes', haha.

This story could've been so much better… And so much longer… Oh well.


End file.
